"Ar. Abbas Ahmed" <arabbasa@gmail.com> wrote:
Date: Thu, 19 Oct 2006 13:06:32 +0300
From: "Ar. Abbas Ahmed" <arabbasa@gmail.com>
Subject: Santa Banta Jokes.
Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'
Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya
hai
Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.
Jeeto: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here
Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with
leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered:
Waiting for autumn.
Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them
for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai
ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.
Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he
hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the
bell but no one comes out
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai
jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in
the ashtray.
Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an
affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call.
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That's terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions."
Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the
mouth.
Santa and Jeeto were on an African Safari when a lion sprang out of nowhere
& draged Jeeto with his jaws.
Jeeto: Shoot him, Shoot him!
Santa: I can't. I ran out of film.
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
A man to Santa: Ur friend is kissing ur wife in ur home.
Santa rushes home and came back within half an hour n slapped the man n
said: He's not my friend.
Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.
Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.
Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of seconds later he received
a report on his phone and he started to dance. The report said: 'Delivered'
Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us
hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prg shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne
generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola
ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the
line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****. Sant: U r wrong. It's 1394.
Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?"
Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa whispers, "Can I have a
burger & fries?"
Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A: Because they
advertised: 'Free Delivery'
Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe
a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
Jeeto: If I die what'll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
Santa Banta zid kar rahe c monkey dekhan di... so tuhade ghar da address
dita hai. Yaar 2-4 tapusian maar ke dikha deo bichare khush ho jaan ge.
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay
batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Q: Why Santa is standing below the Tube light with an open mouth.
A: Because Doctor has advised him: 'Aaj Light Khana hai!'
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
Santa saw a beautiful gal... he went and smooched her.
Gal - What are you doing?
Santa: Law, 4th semester from Punjab University.
Santa suffering from constipation, sitting on toilet seat: Ooonh, oooonh,
oohh.... nee aaja marjaniye main tenu khan ta ni laga.
Banta: J tu dasde ki is bag vich ki hai tan sare ande tere, j tu dasde kine
ne tan 8 de 8 tere, te j tu dasde ki kidhe ne tan oh murgi v teri.
Santa: Koi hint?
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said, "Clean Toilets 8
Kms."
By the time he drove eight kms he had cleaned 14 toilets.
Banta: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal
thermometer?
Santa: The taste.
Jeeto: Why do Farts stink?
Santa: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too!
Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
At a football match ground. Santa: Ye log ball nu foot kyun maar rahe ne?
Boy: Goal karan lai.
Santa: Paar ball tan pehlan hi gol hai hor kinni gol karangey.
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
SARDAR JI TOOK OUT HIS WALLET, IN THE BUS, HIS PHOTO FELL OUT OF HIS
WALLET, HE GOES 2 A LADY,'MADAM JI SARI UPHAR KAROGE PHOTO LENA HAI, AND
ALL THE OTHER MEN IN THE BUS BEATED HIM UP!!!!!!!!
There was a short note written on poster of adult movie.
"Under 18 are not allowed."
Santa saw this msg, what he did next time he came with 17 people along with
him.
Banta:how did u got a new car? Santa:A girl drove me to a beach, took her
cloth & and said: take what do u want & i took car banta: good yaar kapde
ki karne si.
American: In our country , marriage even takes place with email.Santa: In India, it is only with a female
Abbas Ahmed
architect
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